- Is It Normal to Lose Your Faith?
Absolutely. However, I would make a differentiation between “losing faith” and “losing a kind of faith” or “outgrowing a stage of faith.” - What Actually Caused This – A Specific Betrayal, a Loss, a Doctrine that Stopped Making Sense, or Slow Erosion?
It could be one of these things, could be none of these things, could be all of these things. The fact of the matter is that it happened. Perhaps you simply hit a point at which the way of faith you were handed can no longer handle the complexities of the world. What I would most want to stress is that this is not a form of punishment or the result of something faulty within you. It is actually possible that this “loss of a kind of faith” was actually initiated by God, who felt as though it was time for you to take off the training wheels and “upgrade” into a more mature definition and expression of faith that is less conditioned by vocabularies, concepts, and the like. Perhaps all of this is the result of God wanting you to fall into greater mystery and romance? - Can I Believe Again, or Is It Gone for Good?
You can certainly believe again! However, it may look completely the same or different from the outside, but to you on the inside, it will, without a doubt, be different. For you, even if you continue going to the same church and express faith in the same practices, you will have now seen and experienced something so beautiful you cannot imagine going back again to that earlier understanding of the faith! - Where Do I Even Start – Is There a First Small Step?
The first step is just being honest. Sometimes we have difficulty telling even ourselves the story of our own lives. So, perhaps just start with some ruthless honesty. Everything must be stripped back to the core elements. From there, keep that ruthless honesty as a guardrail moving forward. There is no point in going to a second step without first doing that. - What’s The Difference Between “Deconstructing” and Just Walking Away Entirely?
I am convinced that “deconstructing” is a completely normal experience and has gone by many names throughout church history. It is a matter of “deconstructing” things down to their eternal, essential, indestructible truth. It may be that the faith we were handed or cultivated had accumulated too much that was not eternal, essential, and indestructible. This could include well-intentioned opinions, misinformation, and/or cultural/emotional/psychological baggage. It is a necessary “dusting off,” “wiping the mirror,” or “cleaning your classes.” Just walking away entirely is understandable, especially if you need a long season of detoxing from the definition of faith that no longer serves you. Some people walk away for the rest of their lives, and some do so for an extended season. In either case, do what you believe is the healthiest thing for you, because ultimately, the healthy thing is also the holy thing. - Do I Still Trust Church Leaders / Institutions, and How Do I Tell the Difference Between the Message and the Messenger?
Sure. You can certainly still trust church leaders and institutions. However, after being burned, you might have to distinguish between being cynical and being judicious or discerning. Some church leaders or institutions are more concerned with their own self-preservation, and they should be walked away from. However, there are many church leaders who are quality, humble people, but you will likely never find them through social media (because they have no interest in that world).
You can tell the difference between the message and the messenger by listening to your own nervous system, your own intuition, your own internal compass. Many unhealthy leaders encourage us to distrust those things, but they are there for our own survival and to help us intuit whether someone is a threat. Going back to being ruthlessly honest, if your nervous system tells you to get away from someone, get away from them. Plus, if your nervous system is calmed, comforted, and relaxed by how the Gospel is being shared with you (meaning it does not weaponize fear, anger, or shame to guilt you into activity), then that is a very good sign! - What Do I Actually Believe Now About God, the Bible, Hell, Jesus – The Doctrinal Core Questions?
This is a fun one. Let’s go back to that “ruthlessly honest” guardrail. Perhaps sit down and write out your answers to these questions. It is very likely that your new stance on these things is drastically different from how you understood them at an earlier point in your journey… and that’s a good thing. If you don’t change, that means you haven’t grown. More than that, I promise you that my own understanding of these things has changed, but always in the direction of being more wonderful, beautiful, nuanced, informed, mysterious, etc. Now is an exciting time to step outside your own denomination or tradition and follow where your curiosity takes you. - How Do I Find Community Again Without Faking It?
It might take some time. However, deep calls out to deep. The more you own your story, your path, your faith journey, the more you might find people who hold a similar story. The difficulty is that it takes vulnerability on your side as well as someone else’s. I encourage you to learn about the Stages of Faith (The Critical Journey) by Guelich and Hagberg. Some communities are great for the early stages of faith, and others for the later stages. Just be aware that there are many more that are helpful for those earlier stages than for the later stages. Even so, I promise they are out there. - How Long Does This Take, and What Does “Healed” Even Look Like?
It takes as long as it needs to. Could be weeks, months, years. Who knows? Your path is yours to walk. There is no set formula to get through all of this, but there are principles that can help. For me, it was defining “healthy is holy, and holy is healthy.” I chose to move only toward greater health and holiness, which means going to counseling, reading about trauma, leaning into church history, and learning from other traditions. “Healed” probably means that you have “transcended and included.” You have transcended/outgrown where you came from, and yet have also included/brought with you the best of that earlier stage into your next one. It took a long time, but I feel as though I have come to a wonderful and adventurous place. - How Do I Talk to Family/Friends Who Don’t Understand Why My Faith Looks Different Now?
Be truthful. Recognize that you might use the same vocabulary but in a completely different way. Chances are, you simply have the courage to go into topics that they wish they could themselves. And, be willing to be patient. They may come to the same journey as you when they either choose it for themselves or God shoves them into it anyway. One thing that may surprise them is if you begin quoting to them parts of the Christian tradition they did not know about. The tradition actually has a rather large “tent” and it might surprise them to find out how many different expressions there are to being Christian.
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