- Can I still call myself Christian if I no longer believe what I used to believe?
Of course you can. Being a “Christian” is a much larger tent than some of us were led to believe. From antiquity, as long as one held to the Apostles’ Creed and the Nicene Creed, one was considered a Christian. It is in more recent years, with the culture wars and the influence of political forces, that the boundaries of what defines a Christian were either muddied or even completely erased. In general, though, we have normalized “converting” into the faith, and yet have a poor understanding and appreciation that there might be more “conversions” that one has while INSIDE the Christian faith. We are always fine-tuning our understanding of the faith alongside Scripture, Reason, Tradition, and our own Experiences. - How much of what I lost was actually the gospel, and how much was just the culture I grew up in?
Everyone must answer this question for themselves if they are looking to reconstruct. My best advice is to go back through church history and look at what the first 300 years of the church said and taught. Many well-intentioned pastors or leaders teach the Gospel through the cultural lens they inherited, rather than staying more anchored in church history. So go and investigate what the early church did; you might be surprised and even refreshed! - Can I trust Scripture again without going back to how I used to read it?
Absolutely! It is not about throwing out Scripture; it’s about learning to hold it the right way! Imagine someone coming up to you and teaching you the proper way to hold a baseball bat or a golf club, and suddenly you are hitting home runs or hole-in-ones. Remember that the Bible is a library of texts across many different genres. Recognize the genre of a book in the Bible before you read it, and you will hold the Scriptures in a more accessible and accurate way. - What do I do with the version of God I was taught to fear?
Recognize that you have outgrown that view of God; it may have helped you get to where you are now, but it won’t help you go any further. We must constantly be updating our view of God, and once you come to a view of God as infinite love and mercy, it is okay to never go back. - Can I grieve my old church community without pretending the harm didn’t happen?
Yes. Look back with honest eyes. Appreciate all the good it did for you, and the pain it might have caused. So much of healing is giving full witness to what happened. If it was a mixed bag, it was a mixed bag… Now it is time to sort through that bag and figure out what you want to give thanks for and what you need to properly lament. - Do I need a new church, or do I need something else entirely right now?
You might need to find a new church, one that is more welcoming to questions, doubts, nuances, paradoxes, mystery… in a word, faith. It is also possible you might need to walk away from the institution for a while and detox from it, that is also an option. My only suggestion to you is that you quietly sit and answer for yourself what you think you need most at this time in your journey, and then go about that task in a healthy and holy way. In short, you really can’t go wrong chasing after what is healthiest and holiest for you! - How do I tell the difference between healthy doubt and doubt that’s just avoidance?
Healthy doubt is likely less reactive. Healthy doubt might just a matter of having questions before this infinite mystery we call “God.” Unhealthy doubt is likely accusatory, illogical, reactive, and possibly a defense mechanism to keep the faith at a distance. Any time we are using defense mechanisms, it is because we feel a threat to our safety might be possible and are therefore attempting to stay “safe” or within our pre-determined status quo. Healthy doubt can be vocalized; unhealthy doubt is often repressed or acidic. - Is it okay that I still believe some of what I used to believe?
The answer is yes. Some beliefs might change while others stay the same. This is part and parcel of the reality of “fine-tuning” our faith as we grow, leave things behind, choose to bring some things forward, and learn more about the tradition. - What do I tell my kids when I’m still figuring this out myself?
A life of faith is not a life of certainty; it is a life of trusting God with the whole journey. It is okay to let them know that you also have questions about this infinite mystery we call God. One of the most powerful things you can do is share your wonder and awe at the mystery of God rather than tie everything up in neat little boxes. - Is there a version of hope that doesn’t require me to pretend I have it all figured out?
Yep. Modern American Christianity has put too much emphasis on certainty and doctrine and not enough on mystery, trust, and even hope. There is no need to pretend; simply be where you are and who you are… Hope always starts right there.
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