Curious title, right?
I was journaling earlier today and thought I could spend some time listing out tropes and tips I have heard about forgiveness over the years. I thought I would type them up and make them into two lists… What forgiveness is and what forgiveness is not. But, lets start with what forgiveness is not…
Forgiveness is Not:
- Forgetting what someone else has done
- Letting someone back in your life or back over you in authority
- Reconciliation (as in you doing all the work as the one hurt to let things go)
- Glossing over the pain
- About alleviating the tension in someone else
- Something to shame someone for not being able to do yet
- Letting go of the hope that justice can and will be done
- Saying things can go back to how they were
- Done from “above” or done with an air of superiority
- Saying that the issue should not be public/transparent
- Avoiding conflict so as to have the appearance of peace
- Saying, “I can’t forgive until they apologize.”
Forgiveness is:
- Remembering what someone else has done
- Setting boundaries
- Building your half of the bridge for reconciliation (the other half is them acknowledging, repenting, and changing behaviors after making amends)
- A deep acknowledgment of the pain
- About alleviating the tension within you
- Something that only you may know happened
- Creating holy space for the unresolved issues that God will avenge when no one else will hold the person accountable
- Acknowledging things will be different from now on
- Done from “below” or done with an air of humility
- Possibly taking the issue public
- Facing conflict to have the reality of true, hard earned, peace
- Possibly saying, “They didn’t know what they were doing.”
